A few helpful reframing techniques that can break us out of a perfection mind loop.

• If I am perfect, I am not growing.
• I am either perfect and complacent or imperfect and not willing to get external feedback. A better question is: How can I do better?
• If I only want to be perfect, how can I explore the uncomfortable things that I am not good at?
• What does a 9/10 score as a ______ look like?
• I cannot please everybody. So who am I willing to disappoint?

I don’t know what I think until I see what I do.

Assumed opinions are dangerous. They can create major blind spots.

This mental frame helps us in multiple ways.

• Tames down arrogance that often masquerades as self righteousness while simultaneously increasing humility.
• Acknowledging that we don’t know ourselves as well as we think makes us more aware and conscious of our thought process and decisions in new situations.
• We don’t associate our identity too closely with assumed principles and values.

I don’t know if I will steal until I am actually starving or facing lack of funds for a loved one’s surgery. Acknowledging that is the first step.

Perfect is the enemy of good. Because perfecting anything takes time during which there is no value to be reaped. It is also a common cause of procrastination. Knowing how long the perfect outcome can take increases the inertia to get started. This can occupy precious mental real estate when it comes to routine repetitive chores.

How can we curb the perfectionist urge? One useful mental frame is to strictly time box the activity. This will naturally lead us to explore optimal approaches to reach a satisfactory less-than-perfect result. The lack of perfection can then be balanced by increasing frequency of repeating the activity.

In the long run, the net result of this compromise is always positive.

We are what we repeatedly do… therefore excellence is not an act, but a habit.

This was Will Durant’s interpretation of Aristotle’s theory that virtue is formed through repeated actions.

This is true of any virtue. We are taught to count our blessings. And we are usually able to as well, on good days. But when was the last time we could do it on a bad day? Practising gratitude regularly makes it a habit, muscle memory that builds up allowing us to notice the stars even on the darkest night.

Values need to have deep roots to withstand the winds of coercion. And they can be deeply rooted only if we have taken the time to deliberate what those values mean to us and why.

Those principles will propel us to take a stance when we see transgressions. That is why one person stays “neutral” and says nothing while another speaks out.

And that makes all the difference.

To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself.

– The Choice, Edith Eger

[paraphrased] When your counterpart in a relationship doesn’t know that you are feeling less than equal, it doesn’t mean that the relationship itself is over. That is when you should help yourself so you can come back to the relationship feeling equal.

One of my favourite movie quotes that casually imparts one of the most fundamental life lessons. Too often we assign the burden of our internal conflicts on external factors and circumstances. Thinking that if only the outside influence was changed, our lives would improve. But in reality, only when we wrestle with and process our inner dilemmas; like and feel secure with who we are and how we got here; can we truly distinguish the real data points from the noise.

The journey to improvement always starts from within, not without.

A leader can effective lead only from a position of optimism and hope. While pessimism incites fear, defensiveness and self-fulfilling cycles of sub-standard results, optimism has the unique power to inspire and change the energy of the room.