The strongest influence in our lives comes from our values. By values, I don’t mean our ethics. Rather I am referring to the things we pick and choose as most important to us. It can be anything – relationships, professional growth, meeting new people, empathy – basically anything under the sun. When we don’t consciously choose these values, short-term urges take their place.

Learning to pick what is important to us is a lifelong process that keeps evolving with time. The not-so-obvious point to be aware of is that when we choose a value ‘X’, we also have to reject others that are not ‘X’. For instance, if I choose to concentrate on forming deeper personal relationships, I have to also reduce large group interactions in order to be effective in forging those intimate bonds. Without consciously choosing to reject the ‘not X’ somethings, we have no true identity.

We are defined as much by what we reject as we are by what we pick.