In a relationship, when one person says to the other, “I need you to agree to my so-and-so condition”, the result is usually a debate or argument. At best, it is a level headed discussion that hashes out all sides of the topic. The latter may work sometimes but not in the long run.

On the other hand, I have noticed that the most effective response comes from those who don’t reply to the words directly. Rather, they address the emotion behind them. And they do it over a period of time, not try to steamroller though it in a single conversation.

Why do I say it is the most effective? Because it comes from understanding that the words spoken are stemming from a place of fear, insecurity or anxiety. By reassuring that there is no need for such feelings with words and more importantly actions, we make the other person feel secure and loved enough to see that it is not a this-or-that situation. Rather it is a journey which both parties are in, together.

This is not a hack or trick to manipulate the other person. It only works when we really try to understand and empathize with their feelings. When we do, our actions and words will genuinely assuage their fears.