One day, a friend noticed some indicator of worry or sadness on my face and asked me if I was okay. I just smiled and replied that everything was fine. I could see he was not convinced and expected him to probe more. But he asked me just one thing.

How can I help?

It’s a simple question but it shows an involved offer of support that other polite statements like – let me know if there is anything I can help with – don’t. Both sentences mean the same thing and are probably said with similar sentiments. But these four words show the other person that you are not just taking a back seat, waiting for them to come to you. Rather you are taking an active involvement. Secondly, we can express it even when we don’t know what the issue is. And if the person doesn’t want to share, he/she still derives a deep level of comfort and reassurance from the fact that someone cares genuinely and is not just making a polite overture.

It’s now something I actively try to say when I want to offer support but don’t know the right words. How can I help?