I heard this term from organizational psychologist, Adam Grant. It is when someone throws a bunch of rational arguments to scare you enough to take what they think is the better decision in a situation. This is a misguided, however well intentioned, approach where they try to get you to arrive at the same conclusion as they did.

I am one of the people who is often guilty of this. What I really want to be is a guiding force to help the person make a well informed decision. Instead what I end up doing is beat them over the head with facts and figures and intimidate them enough to feel paralyzed and sorry that they asked me in the first place. They feel alienated and become warier of seeking my advice in the future. So I end up with the absolute opposite of what I wanted to achieve.

I have realized what helps instead, is to ask them to walk through their thoughts and rationale. Often when they are doing it, they will themselves acknowledge gaps in their planning. I could then present my thoughts and play devil’s advocate if needed. There is also the chance that they might show me a perspective that I had not even considered. Even if we end up disagreeing and they take a decision that I think could be wrong, I believe both parties still come out more enriched for having had the experience. We are each aware of a broader perspective, our bond of trust has strengthened and it could be a lesson in understanding how and why someone has a differing viewpoint – knowledge that we can harness to bridge the gap in future communications.

This is more of a reminder to myself. Don’t be a logic bully.