One of the things I struggle with is the effect of compound guilt when I have delayed expressing my thanks or concern to someone. The procrastination adds a layer of regret, contrition and self-reproach which grows as time passes until the point where I feel worse about the delay compared to the strength of emotion I feel about the original event.

However, recently when the roles were reversed, I found that the minute my friend acknowledged her lapse in reaching out, my negative feelings about it disappeared and I seamlessly moved on to rekindling the friendship.

Why do I think that the same cannot apply to me?

I realised that there were two components. One, a lack of compassion for self. Two, expecting less from others compared to the standards I expect from myself. This thinking is shaped by several factors – life experiences, cynicism, self-worth, definition of self identity and so on.

But in the end, there is only one reason to overcome these biases – believing that everybody around us is capable of being and doing better.