It never works. Simply because advising a person who has not asked for it, only puts him/her on the defensive.

But what about those crucial times when not giving advice could be a lapse in duty? Like if a family member is becoming an addict. Or is a friend is marrying the wrong person. At these times, wouldn’t maintaining silence be our failing as friend or family?

I came across an important distinction about our response in such situations. Speaking the truth versus giving advice. The former is about telling what we believe regardless of how hard it is or how receptive the other person is. The latter, however, is driven by our need to ensure that the other person takes the same decision that we want them to.

Giving advice in such situations is not a complete no-no. What we need to be aware of is that our duty is to tell the truth first. Then show support and listen. These steps would open up a path for the person to reach out to us for help or counsel down the road, even if not immediately.

And as we all navigate the unpredictable path of adulthood, that is really the best we can aim for.