When we share what happened during the day to friends or family, we tend to focus on the negative experiences even though most of our interactions are, on average, positive. When we are too fixated pessimistically, it may give us short term satisfaction in the form of affirmation, validation and support but in the long run, this hinders us from seeing the big picture and moving on from the incident. Research has also shown that the more we rehash the negative, the more our hope reduces.

How can we complain less? These are some tools that help me consciously reduce the time I spend in complaining.

• Identify the type of complainer you are. Do you have a tendency to rant too much and too often about the same things? Or do you vent once to clear your mind? If it is the former, then set a limit for the number of times you can talk about an incident to others. If it is the latter, you can set a limit too but it is more important that you feel listened to so your mind is purged enough to allow for retrospection.
• Pick the right listener to complain to. The best ones are those who will not simply reaffirm our opinions but acknowledge them while helping us see other perspectives.
• Write in a journal instead. This is a very powerful technique as articulating our thoughts reduces the impact of an event and it is a one way conversation with no expectation of validation from the recipient.
• Make a daily gratitude list. What am I grateful for today? This ritual shifts our focus to the positive things that we usually take for granted.

Complaining may be initially cathartic but mentally drains us in the long term. It is another way we cling on to the past instead of living in the present.