Author: monikapuhazh

SPB

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S. P. Balasubrahmanyam, shortly referred to as SPB or Balu, is my all-time favourite singer. He is a Guinness record holder, having sung over 40,000 songs in several Indian languages. His list of accomplishments and unique musical talents cannot be captured in a blog post. Wikipedia does a better job of it, however even that list is not exhaustive.

The variety of emotions he can express in a single song over a short span of 5 minutes is awe inspiring. I am yet to see another singer do what he does. He will melt your heart and infuse you with energy, all in the same stanza. And every song will inevitably have his characteristic laugh. All of this will be rendered effortlessly. Like he was born with the knowledge. His diction and clear enunciation of the lyrics enhance the musical experience even further for the listener.

I had the fortune to listen to him sing live last year. It was an unforgettable experience. I was awed by his perfection and effortlessness in a live performance. There was no hint of his age (73 years!). But beyond his singing, what impressed me that day was seeing him introduce every orchestra member, singer and conductor by name throughout the performance. He pointed out and applauded specific sections of the orchestra which played a crucial role in specific songs. Surrendered the stage for an encore performance of the instrumentals to underscore their salient points. This is something he has been known to do for a long time. He is a living example of how humility can exist even in the midst of fame.

At the end of that concert, one emotion outweighed all else in my mind. Gratitude. For the opportunity to listen to him perform. For his amazing musical genius. And finally for being gifted with the ability to appreciate his singing.

Listening to SPB just makes life better.

Show up

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When someone I care about is going through a difficult time, I sometimes don’t know what to say or how to help. I spend hours agonising. What is the right thing to say? Will this be hurtful? Couldn’t this be interpreted in the wrong way?… The list goes on. And it finally culminates in “She doesn’t need someone like me. She has other people who will know better how to help. Anyway, it is too late to reach out now.”

However, having been on the receiving end of this exchange recently, I realised a few things.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the right thing to say. Don’t waste time worrying. This is about them, not about you.

Just call to check up on them. If they don’t pick up the call or respond negatively, try again tomorrow.

Make casual conversations. Have heart-to-heart talks. Whichever feels right that day.

It is never too late to reach out. Do it now.

Show that you care, that they are not alone in this.

Finally, just keep showing up. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Saying sorry

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Yesterday I wrote about responding to an apology. Today, I want to talk about saying sorry.

Telling it out of politeness comes easily to us but when it comes to apologising for the big things – those that really matter, it becomes hard. Why? Because it hurts our ego and makes us own up to our faults. And for that reason, we sometimes say the words without meaning them.

However what we fail to recognise is that when we don’t genuinely realise and repent for our actions (and we know those times when it is due), our heart feels heavier. We are more irritable. On the defensive. Everything sounds like an accusation.

But the minute we feel and acknowledge true remorse, we become light-hearted. Feel stronger and braver. And we experience the sense of freedom that comes with saying sorry.

Responding to an apology

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When a person says sorry and genuinely means it, acknowledging and moving on is the best thing to do, exceptions notwithstanding. There are several reasons for this.

  • Graciousness makes you feel better about the person you are
  • It is healthy for you to not hold on to grudges because bitterness always erodes from the inside out
  • Finally, it’s best for your relationship

It is important to remember that we will make mistakes too and we should display the same behaviour we would expect when the roles are reversed.

Telling the truth

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This clip from the ABC television series, For The People, eloquently explains why we lie to ourselves. When we see someone else doing it, we wonder how it is possible for them to ignore the obvious, live in denial, deceive themselves. We conveniently turn a blind eye to the fact that we all do it.

None of us does it on purpose. Who would? Self deception is just easier than standing up for the truth in the face of disbelief and disapproval. But while it makes the situation easier in the short term, it becomes a burden we bear for the rest of our lives. And it is a very heavy load to carry that slowly eats at us from the inside. Telling the truth, on the other hand, gives you an aura of honesty and courage that people will take note of and appreciate eventually, if not immediately.

So let’s dig deep, find the strength and keep telling the truth, even when the people who matter don’t like it.

Time heals

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This is one healing technique where we don’t have to put in any effort. It happens on its own. There are some wounds which cannot be healed by any amount or form of manual effort. Only the passage of time renders any of our other endeavours effective.

Why we fail to apply it in situations is because it requires us to relinquish control over resolving the problem. This goes against our natural instinct to want to fix things right away, make the other person feel better instantly. But it is important to realise that sometimes the best treatment we can administer is just giving time.

Unique times

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Standing in the corridor outside my house, I noticed several things. The faulty flickering light in a distant apartment. An empty stretch of road. A cloudless sky. A bird flying along the road where a car typically would be. A church cross lit up brightly, shining like a beacon of hope.

As I observed all this, I felt a multitude of emotions. Peace in the absence of cacophony. A melancholic ache at the sight of the empty sports stadium. An urge to lie down on the grass and spend the night looking at the sky. A kinship with the solitary person walking on the road, the first one in ten minutes.

This is a time like no other. The world has come to a standstill, beyond anything we could have imagined. While these are hard times in a lot of ways, there are unique things hallmarking this period which we will never get to experience again, atleast in our lifetimes. Let’s allocate some time each day to enjoy, absorb, take it all in. Whichever way we are able to – looking out of a window, watching from the terrace or just sitting with our eyes closed. This is one experience we are not likely to forget.

Arguing

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Whenever you are in disagreement with someone, it is tempting to keep arguing until you reach the peak of your anger. But there is usually a point much earlier when you realise that the conversation has gone off the charts and no productive conclusion will be reached. But we still argue because we don’t want to back down first. This is just a waste of time and energy – on the extra minutes spent arguing and then steaming about it later.

Know when to stop arguing. Don’t listen to your ego.