One of the most meaningful changes that the pandemic brought about in my life is connecting me with nature. As we were forced to limit physical interactions with others, natural scenery became a very conducive environment that allowed me to sit with my thoughts without completely overwhelming my mind.
Watching the night sky from the corridor at the end of a day. Taking walks in parks. Lying down on the grass. All these experiences always left me more hopeful and at peace than I was before.
The more time we spend in nature, the more engaged and aware we become with our own selves.
Listening to critical feedback can be hard. Anyone with a healthy dose of ego instinctively gets defensive when he is on the receiving end. So how can we get better at it so we can benefit from the process?
Getting feedback is a privilege, not a right. Treat it as such.
Separate how the feedback was given from its content. Then ask ourselves if there is any truth to the statements made.
Finally, regardless of whether we agree or disagree, ask which behavior of ours led the person to reach to that conclusion and how we can improve upon that.
Feedback, whether good or bad, true or false, is always a great opportunity for growth. If only we are willing to set aside our ego and harness it.
Recently I went out to dinner with an acquaintance. Until that point we had only exchanged small talk in a quasi-controlled environment. By the end of the first 30 minutes, I had started cataloguing a list of opposing personality traits that we both had and wondering whether our conversation would progress deeper than the superficial.
Half way through the dinner, I decided to take the first step and shared a lesser known fact about myself. The conversation continued as before. But a while later, she responded to a comment of mine with a personal story that showed me a version of her that was vastly different from the breezy carefree person she usually was. The heart to heart exchange continued for a few minutes before moving back to superfluous topics.
This experience reminded me why we should not judge any relationship too early. Nobody is completely superficial. Everyone has ups and downs in their lives, marked life experiences that have shaped them into who they are in the present. Until both parties settle in and feel comfortable enough to set aside their social masks, we will never know what that relationship could evolve into.
Approach every relationship with a blank slate. Give it time to reveal its own future path. And only then judge.
Humans make a large percentage of daily decisions ranging from personal grooming choices to major executive decisions based on intuition. Now we know that intuition also comes with bias and prejudice. How do we compartmentalize them?
A research study has identified a two step strategy for this.
Grade the factors that impact the final result, qualitatively and quantitatively. This process makes us consciously deliberate on these aspects by analysing the data.
Delay applying intuition until after this process. This reduces bias in the final “gut feeling”.
Intuition can be a powerful tool. It is a by-product of our life experiences and should not be ignored. Combining it with a data driven process allows us to harness this instinct’s benefits while minimizing its risks.
In her most recent publication, The Book of Hope, these are some of the key differences that Jane Goodall draws between hope and other positive emotions like optimism.
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite the darkness.
Hope does not deny that evil exists, rather is a response to it.
Optimism can quickly change to pessimism when the circunstances change. But hope is a much deeper source of strength that is practically unshakeable.
Finally one of the important determinants of hope is one’s agency – one’s ability to be effective. This is true whether it is an organisation or the environment. Empowering people to effect a change is how hope survives and grows.
Being cynical does not require effort. The self preservation instincts of humans will ensure that we use indifference and pessimism as shields against future hurt.
As we progress in life and accumulate more experiences, cynicism will inevitably rear its head. Heartbreak. Loss. Discrimination. Injustice. The world has enough examples of these that one of them will eventually impact our lives. And when that happens, our optimism will take a hit.
So when we have times that we feel hopeful, embrace it without question. Enjoy it. Because hope and optimism are the only things that can inject colors into our lives. Make it a little brighter.
What is an individual’s role in her company? When we pose this to ourselves, we may start spouting out the OKRs assigned to us this quarter. Or listing down the roles and responsibilities specified in our job description when we joined. In the process, we forget the fundamentals.
My job exists because there is a real world problem for the company’s customers that has to be simplified.
That’s the crux of it. Every individual in the organization simply plays a part in achieving that goal. The sales team collates the voice of the customer. A product manager visualises an experience to simplify the customer’s problem. Engineers build an app that meets the customer’s needs.
But we lose sight of this most foundational goal when we get caught up in the daily spreadsheets, presentations, numbers and meetings. Processes and architecture strategies should enable us to bring together these pieces of the orchestra to create a single simple harmony, not conflate them into a sophistication nightmare that makes us lose sight of our basic purpose.
How can I simplify the experience for my customer?
This should be the only question we ask ourselves everyday.
This song from Frozen musical is a dialogue that Anna has with Elsa after finding her in the North Mountain where she escapes after her powers are revealed to the people of Arendelle. Anna wants Elsa to come back to their kingdom but the latter is strongly against it.
The song begins with each expressing her point of view to the other person.
Elsa: Standing frozen in this life I’ve chosen Please, don’t find me, the past is all behind me Leave me in the snow, let me go
Anna: No, Elsa, wait, don’t go! Elsa: I’m just trying to protect you! Anna: You don’t have to protect me! I’m not afraid! Elsa: What do you want, Anna?
Anna: This. Just you and I talking and chatting and taking up space
They try hard to make the other see the situation from her vantage point. Elsa is convinced that she is doing what is best for her sister even as Anna pleads with her not to shut her out again. The song builds up as both siblings voice their deepest fears in harmony.
Anna & Elsa: I can’t lose you, not again I can’t lose you like then
Here are two sisters who are both afraid of losing the other but each views that loss differently. Elsa fears losing her sister by harming her with her powers while Anna considers loss as being closed off from each other. These lyrics struck me as they closely parallel the quandary in our real world relationships. We often shield our loved ones thinking that we are protecting them when that action of protection itself ends up causing a rift.
The antidote to this dilemma is also hidden in the same song. The war of words grows to a crescendo, finally ending with this.
Anna & Elsa:If you loved yourself the way I do Then you’d see why I can’t lose you
These two lines are worth repeating and remembering.
In this Hidden Brain podcast episode on implicit bias, social psychologist Mahzarin Banaji talks about how implicit bias is influenced by and reflective of the society that an individual lives in. One of the profound statements she makes is about the correlation between helping and inequality.
But how can lending a helping hand to someone increase inequality? Because of who we most often do that for. When a friend is looking for a job opportunity, we are more likely to refer them. We will give a commendation letter for a relative’s son or daughter. This leads to more opportunities within the same community, widening the gap between the affluent and marginalised groups.
According to Mahzarin, this is where the institution needs to play an important role. At the individual level, this form of symbiotic bonds will only exist within the same sections of society. But an organisation can step in and balance the scales by creating a process or program to extend opportunities to people from minority communities. Take deliberate steps to reduce the gap. It is the only way this chasm will ever begin closing.
Daily Contemplations 