Barack Obama said that to voters on the campaign trail for the US 2016 Presidential Elections. It is one of my favourite quotes.

When we encounter a situation that vexes us, our first instinct is to rant about it. It is easy to yell, harder to find a way to make a positive impact on the situation.

This doesn’t mean we should never vent our feelings. By all means, please do. It is important to get it out of the system. I have always found that a good cry clears my head. But make it less and less frequent with time. Build up your tolerance level. And the way to do that is to concentrate our thoughts and efforts on analysing the situation and thinking about what we can do to change it.

Focusing on actionable statements is an empowering feeling. It makes us feel more control over our predicament. In reality, we are exercising control over our response to the situation. I have found that a lot of things seem to lead us to back to Stephen Covey’s first habit.

So, don’t boo, act!

A recent case of mass molestation of women in Bangalore on New Year’s Eve, followed by chauvinistic comments from a political leader, has sparked vehement outrage, calling on parents to advise their sons instead of their daughters on proper behaviour. This is just one of the more conspicuous instances where the popular opinion demands that parents emphasise values during their kids’ upbringing. There are many more less subtle examples which demonstrate that the present world is moving more and more away from a principle-based life.

In today’s competitive environment, parents start planning for their kids’ future from before birth. They worry about everything from the right diet to the best schools. And the importance of developing a child’s core on the foundation of strong principles is forgotten some where along the rat race. The benefit of strong values is intangible but the happiest and most content people in the world are those who know their core principles and live by them.

I am no authority on raising kids but having been raised as a person with strong ethics myself, I take the liberty in suggesting two ways to instill values in children.

1. As a parent, understand and acknowledge to oneself the importance of strong principles over all else for a good quality of life. If you don’t believe it, your children definitely won’t either.
2. Lead by example. Growing up, every kid treats his/her dad and mom as the ultimate heroes and they try to emulate them more than anyone else. Be the hero they think you are.

What this world needs today is good people. Raising a kid to be one may not win us any awards but the goodness that spreads from that one individual will create an immeasurable positive impact on countless others.

Growing up, I was very analytical in making and executing any important decision, hardly ever giving in to impulses. If my entire family was watching a film, I would simply tell myself that joining them instead of doing my homework would just make me regret my decision the next day and as easily as that, I could turn away from the sensory temptation.

All that changed when I entered college. For the first time, I found myself giving in to fear and insecurity, despite my brain vehemently arguing against them. Suddenly, my “Do the right thing simply because it is right” mantra was not enough. It took me a long time to just recognise this and even longer to accept my shortcoming.

This experience made me realise that we never know anything about ourselves for certain. We may say that we will never steal even if we are starving, but we will never know for sure until we actually feel the pangs of days-long hunger. This doesn’t mean that it is okay to succumb to our (for lack of a better word) weaknesses. Rather accepting and acknowledging that it is possible for us to default given specific circumstances can help us mentally better prepare ourselves and be more aware when we are put in such a situation.

The next time we think that we will never/always act in a particular way, we should ask “What circumstances might make me go against my principles?”. This does not guarantee that we will not deviate from our resolve, but we are more likely to catch ourselves doing it early on. Recognising the problem is, after all, half the solution.

Whenever I saw elderly people doing manual labor or living alone, I felt bad for the lonely lives they were leading. I wished that they had families to spend the last stage of their life with. Then recently, my family and I visited a relative’s house whose elderly mother was also residing with them. The rest of us were mostly talking amongst ourselves. Occasionally, I glanced at her but felt uncertain about what to talk with her. In some time, my sister initiated a conversation and they both ended up talking animatedly for close to an hour. At that moment, it struck me that despite having family, countless elders still feel lonely because we do not take the effort or time to engage them.

It might not be the most enlightening conversation of our lives, they might be telling the same story for the umpteenth time and doling out advice to us in every sentence. It would probably cost us 30 minutes and some measure of patience, but it would mean the world to them. And in some cases, we might find ourselves pleasantly surprised as my sister was. A few decades down the line, wouldn’t we want someone to do the same for us?

In the 2016 Olympic Games, the Indian spirit soared high when its champions secured silver and bronze medals, some of them being the first to ever be won in that category. But sadly, most of us didn’t even know about these players until they reached the final stages of the Olympics. Success doesn’t happen overnight, it is the result of many years of hard word, perseverance and determination. Too often, it is easy to focus only on that final moment and forget all the time and effort that went into it.

Whilst we remember and praise the people who are riding the pinnacle now, there are others who, at this very moment, are just starting or halfway along the same road. Some of them will make it, some of them will not. Success is eventually in the hands of the individual, but a few encouraging words, a pat on the back, a little financial support can go a long way in easing the hardships.

Today, while travelling by train, my mom heard some sensational news regarding a member of a local political party and switched on the news channel as soon as she reached home to get more information. It turned out that the people who had been discussing the issue for a good half hour had mixed up the original person involved with another member from the same party who shared a similar name.

This is yet another example which illustrates how easy it is to spread false news while believing it to be true. This has especially come under scrutiny since the US 2016 Presidential Elections. It is very tempting to spread news without verifying, primarily because it is human nature to want to seem knowledgeable. In lieu of that, we often do not take the time or effort to cross-check facts. This can have adverse consequences in today’s world of instant messaging, making it imperative for even ordinary people to feel accountable about the information they share.

From now on, let’s give more importance to being correct over being popular.

In his well-renowned book, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, Stephen Covey says one of the most profound statements I have read.

Between stimulus and response, you have the freedom to choose

The essence of the line is that we often cannot control our circumstances or the consequences of our actions, but the one freedom we do have is to choose how we respond to these hands dealt by life.

This might seem like just another way to say “Think Positive”, but it is much more than that. Even when you know that a person has wronged you and expressing righteous anger only seems fair (and might be validated by others as well), the (re)action we exhibit is completely in our hands. So, if the action hurts anyone, including ourselves, a portion of the blame always resides with us.

While I have inherently held myself accountable for most of my actions, acknowledging this fact has been liberating. I have come to realize that I am able to apply this to every single situation in my life, even the small insignificant arguments. It can get frustrating to constantly hold yourself responsible for your reactions, but doing it is helping me develop more self-control, maintain smoother relationships and be more effective.

I still have a long way to go before I can make this thinking second-nature, but the end result will be worth all the effort it takes.

During a casual TV night with my family recently, a disagreement in viewpoints about an issue escalated into a heated discussion, eventually resulting in me storming out of the room. This is just one of many instances where I have lost my cool in a situation because the other person(s) involved held differing views from mine.

After reflecting on my reactions in these situations, I have realized three important things.

1. Losing temper reveals my own helplessness and inadequacy in convincing the other person of my viewpoint.
2. Listening before talking makes others more open to hearing your opinions since they feel that you have carefully considered their words.
3. Accept and allow for others to maintain their ideologies even if you believe you are 100% right.

I hope to keep these points in mind when I find myself in such a situation the next time.

 

The name – Daily Contemplations – embodies this blog’s purpose. This is to be a daily commitment to consciously reflect on my routine life experiences and learn something new each day.

As I start on this journey, I intend to concentrate on the following goals. These are liable to evolve with time, experience and feedback.

• Write daily
• Each post should be based on a single concrete idea
• Use constructive feedback to improve on future posts

The motivation behind this blog is pretty much self-focused, but I hope that what I share here brightens the day for others as well.

Here’s to a wonderful and enriching journey ahead  🙂