Pay attention to what you are paying attention to.

– John Green

This exercise is insightful in two days.

One, it surfaces topics that we are actually interested in that our rational “I-should-be” version may often sideline. Like maybe that promotion we have been singularly focused on is not aligned with our real day-to-day interests.

Two, this shines a spotlight on the time we spend on distractions that we consider small. At the start of the pandemic, I began to notice how a quick one-minute of Facebook surfing turned into an hour in the blink of an eye. Until I paid attention, I had deluded myself convincingly that I was spending no more than 1 hour online when in reality it was multiple blocks of 1 hour throughout the day. This got me to take a series of conscious steps to curb my social media usage.

Too often we let life happen to us. Paying attention puts the steering wheel back in our hand. Helps us figure out what we really want to do with our lives.

Growing up as a female in India, I rarely encountered or identified with gender discrimination in an intellectual or professional setting. It was not until I started scaling the corporate ladder that this rosy world outlook was forced to change. As a result, it is only now that I value the importance of representation.

This was reinforced to me recently as I was listening to my favorite podcast host, Dr. Maya Shankar interviewing Priya Parker, author of the book “The Art of Gathering”. The episode was one of the most engaging and intellectual conversations I had heard on any podcast. The insights were perspective altering.

After the interview ended, I went into self introspection mode and realized that hearing two female Indians, experts in their own fields, engage on a public platform had left a much deeper imprint. Simply by virtue of their identities, they had opened up my mind. Galvanized me to imagine possibilities of a future where I could be an impactful confident leader like them.

That’s why representation matters. Because it inspires us to dream of possibilities that are not even in our peripheral vision. And it normalizes them so we can own our stories and identities unapologetically.

Sometimes the people we value hurt us unintentionally due to issues they have that are unrelated to us. Despite that fact, we still let the negative feelings fester. Why?

Could be two possible reasons.

One, we are not able to empathize with their life experiences which has shaped them into who they are today.

Two, even when we do empathize we can’t accept the fact that they did not put our feelings above their issues.

At such times, a technique that I find to be helpful is to mentally imagine removing myself from the equation. Like a math formula. Once I can visualize that I was not a variable at all, it becomes easier to dissolve my hurt and instead focus on what the other person is going through and the part I can play in their upliftment.

We don’t get to choose who the people we love become or are. But we do get to pick if we want to stick around. And if we want them to know that too, that they are worth sticking around for.

– All Rhodes Lead Here, Mariana Zapata

Hope is not optimism. Neither is it blind faith. Rather it is this beautiful feeling evoked by the imagination of future possibilities.

Inspiring someone to dream. That’s all it takes to spread this precious and powerful gift.

The end of a melody is not its goal but nonetheless had the melody not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either.

– Nietzche

A mind is as real as a mind in the same way a window is as real as a window.

– The Comfort Book by Matt Haig

What our mind shows us is perception, not facts.

With every true friendship, we build more firmly the foundations on which the peace of the whole world rests.

– Mahatma Gandhi

Connection has to come before cooperation. Talking to others with the selfish purpose of increasing our social connections works better in paving the long term path for conflict resolution. True mutual friendships are more stable than the weaker bonds formed when we come together just to discuss and resolve our points of connection.

An excerpt from a post that resonated a lot.

It is easier to make a habit stick when you align it to who you see are.

This clarifies why some habits have stuck better than others. Reading non fiction has become easier in my post-college years as it is strongly tied to how I view my life story as a growth journey.

On the other hand, I have realized that motivating myself to do something because of monetary rewards will not work as well. Not that money is unimportant but rather because the values I tie to my identity like growth and empathy need to be aligned first before I can weigh the monetary aspects.

For those of us who are privileged enough to choose how we spend our time, having this clarity helps us to pursue the right habits that will fulfil us.

Getting to important non-urgent personal tasks is a daily struggle. These are a few practical tips that have helped me so far.

• Envision the tasks for the next day before going to sleep. It is important to do it the night before since pre-made decisions reduce the willpower needed in the moment.
• Have only 1-3 things in my todo list. Anything more than that is usually ambitious and I end up completing nothing.
• Block a time slot in my calendar beforehand.
• Set a 30 minute timer when starting the task with a ground rule of not checking my phone during that period. After being distraction-free for a half hour, it is easier to get into the zone to complete the work.
• Temptation bundling. This is a technique where we bundle a chore we avoid with a reward that we like. For example, listening to our favorite podcasts while exercising.

Set yourself up for small wins. They will snowball over time to help reach the final goal.