Thought for the day. Seeing the good in people means the ability to recognise that everybody has something to recommend themselves. It does not imply that they have to be automatically given a place in the personal circle of friends. That right is earned. And it belongs to no one but ourselves.

Came across this Upworthy article today. There is a bunch of positive heart-warming stories in there. As I was reflecting on what I had read, two thoughts came to my mind.

One, even when things are bad in our personal life, when we feel like we have hit rock bottom, stories like these show us that there is still good in this world. The self-obsessed self-pitying part of us might ask why that should matter. It matters because it gives us hope – that key ingredient in life which keeps us going.

Two, it was a reminder of true unconditional love and what effect such moments can have on people. Too often, when we have disagreements with loved ones, we concentrate all our time and energy in trying to resolve our differences and feeling hurt when they don’t understand our point of view. But there is something that we can do in those times – simple gestures, completely unrelated to the issue at hand – to remind, that despite our differences, we always love them. By doing this, we aren’t conceding our position. We are simply expressing our unconditional love without any expectations. It is a win-win situation. They feel joyous embraced in it and we feel happy to have made their day better. It doesn’t fix the difference of opinion. Rather, it strengthens the relationship despite it.

Two worthwhile lessons to remember.

Galileo Galilei achieved several remarkable things during his lifetime. Two achievements that stayed with me were his proposal of heliocentrism and theory about falling bodies.

Heliocentrism is the astronomical model that the Earth and other planets revolve around the Sun which is at the centre of the solar system. This was in opposition to the prevailing model of geocentrism that put the Earth at the centre of the universe and was strongly propagated by the Church.

In the case of falling bodies, he said that the time of descent of falling objects was independent of their mass. He contradicted Aristotle who had preached that heavier objects fall faster than lighter ones.

What impressed me in both these cases is the courage and self-belief he must have had to go against stalwarts like the Church and Aristotle. The power of believing in oneself is like no other. It anchors you when the world around is spinning out of control. In some cases, we might never receive acceptance while we live, as it happened with Galileo. During those times, the only thing that can keep us going in the right direction is belief in ourselves.

What advice would you give someone who is trying to avoid becoming another number?
See yourself as more than a stat.

Michelle Obama mentions three powerful questions to ask ourselves.

• Who are you?
• What do you care about?
• What brings you joy?

Counter intuitive as it feels, the only way to fight our insecurities is to start asserting ourselves, slowly but surely.

Yesterday, celebrities from India and across the globe came together for a home-to-home concert to raise funds for GiveIndia’s efforts to combat COVID-19. The programme that lasted for almost 4.5 hours featured actors, sports players, directors, producers, musicians, poets, medical personnel, scientists, pharmaceutical heads and many more from several walks of life. At the last check, they had raised Rs. 44,420,332 via Facebook alone.

The entire production was very seamless, from the choir to the solos, the poetry to the instrumentals. The sheer number of people involved was mind boggling. It was undeniable proof to me that Indians are capable of setting and meeting high standards if we really put our hearts and minds to it.

The entire show exuded heart and warmth. It made me realise that even though we are all isolated now, the world has never been more connected – in the real sense.

The best way to engage someone is to start a conversation on a topic of their interest. And then just listen. When people feel like they have been truly heard, their investment in that conversation increases steeply. I heard this in a workshop on networking skills 8 years ago. I was glad to be reminded of it again today.

When we disagree with loved ones about their life choices and use covert tactics to manipulate the decision to align with our idea of what is right for them, we are not protecting them, even if we claim otherwise. What we are really doing is trying to control the person.

Instead let’s have an honest open conversation with them to explain our concerns and fears. Listen to their reasons in return. And in the end, if we still disagree, depending on what we want to prioritise, we can choose either to walk away or support them. This is hard but it is the right thing to do. The level of trust in the relationship and our own sense of morality will be better for it.

I finished my first non-fiction book for 2020 today. I have set myself a target of 20 for the whole year. I buckled down and started reading in the morning. But it was not until halfway through that I got the flow going. Reading is like exercising a muscle, we get better at it with practice.

If we observe carefully, when we are reading a book or watching a show, we can see how it shapes the way we speak and think during that day, sometimes for even longer. The content we read, watch and listen to have a noticeable influence on our thoughts, words and actions.

So let’s start taking conscious decisions about what type of content we choose to engage our minds with.

We will have bad days. It is inevitable and that’s okay. Because today will end and tomorrow will come, along with the infinite days after. Eventually we will get a good day.

What we need to do meanwhile is soldier through the bad ones – one at a time, get to the end of each and try again. Reach out for help where needed. Reassure our hearts and minds. Keep moving forward.

This too shall pass.

Me: “I agree with the overall architecture but I think we will have to deliberate on whether the specified services will meet the requirements. For example, I am not sure if …. service supports …. requirement. So we may have to consider alternatives.”

Colleague: “I just think that we should not discuss such technical details on which services to use in this scenario now. But what you have proposed doesn’t differ much from the architecture I had thought of.”

I find observing people who get their point across makes for very good lessons in effective communication. In this discussion at work, my colleague and I conveyed the same opinions but his statement drove the point to the team in a way that mine didn’t. In retrospection, I analysed the differences that made it so.

• He started off with the point of contention and left the rest to the end. This put the issue he wanted to discuss front and centre.
• His words are more precise (should not discuss, technical details on which services to use) whereas I over-explained trying to provide examples that, by my own admission, I was not sure of.
• He didn’t use any placatory disclaimers like me (I think we will have to deliberate, we may have to)

The tone in which we convey our points can make a marked difference in how they are received and the level of consideration afforded.