At one point during a conversation I was having with my sister, she asked me whether I was really replying after reflecting on the entirety of what she said. Another time, after watching me talk with someone else, she said that she had noticed I opened my mouth (literally) even before the other person finished speaking. These two instances made me realize that I was mostly listening with the intent to reply – once I had formed an opinion and framed a reply, I was essentially tuning out the remainder of the words.

I think quite a few of us do this. We listen to the other person while simultaneously thinking about our own response, rather than actually listening and reflecting on the person’s words. This form of communication usually leaves the other party feeling frustrated and almost never works out. As I discovered earlier when trying to reconcile with differing view points, the feeling of being (genuinely) listened to is important, simply because it induces the other person to be a good listener as well.

So lets listen to just listen, not to respond.