In the Friends episode, The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, Joey tells Phoebe that there are no truly unselfish acts and Phoebe does hilarious things to prove him wrong, including “letting” a bee sting her! But jokes aside, I agree with Joey’s statement. There are no completely unselfish acts, just ones that feel relatively selfless compared to others.

Nothing that we do is completely devoid of selfishness. Any deed, even if it is sacrificing something of yours to help another, involves some measure of self-centeredness – you are doing it because it gives you joy, it fulfils you, or it agrees with your conscience. I think that the term selfless itself encapsulates this idea – you think “lesser” about yourself, but your “self” is also a benefactor in the equation. 

And accepting this is important because once we do, we stop feeling entitled to gratitude, we don’t view ourselves to be superior for helping others, we feel humbled by the effect of our actions instead of others’ response to them. 

Note: I reversed the roles of Phoebe and Joey when I first published this post. It has been corrected now. I apologise for the mistake.