I’m sorry for what happened but I didn’t… 

I apologise but you must see… 

Sorry, but your apology has already been rendered useless. Those ellipses are not for effect, the person you are apologising to is likely not listening anymore – probably busy thinking “Here come the excuses“. 

We have all been on the talking and receiving end of this kind of conversation. The instant an apology is followed by a but, the sorry becomes ineffective and everything said afterwards just sounds like an excuse. Even when you want to make the other person understand the reason for your actions, that is not the right time to say it. 

Sometimes we apologise because we want to diffuse the situation – regardless, just say sorry because that is what you wanted to say. There will be another time and place to explain your reason. The reason will anyway fall on deaf ears until your remorse comes across as sincere. 

Apologise without clauses. Don’t give yourself any leeway. Because appending a but just shows that we are not willing to take full responsibility for our actions.